I really don't want to stop being me. I don't really know how to explain what 'me' is except for that those who know me well will know perhaps more than I do what I'm like. I'm hardly averse to the whole change thing but so much change has happened since I came to uni in every way that I'm craving some form of stability. I'm tired of to'ing and fro'ing between Leeds and Bradford (where my room is frozen in time from my 18 year old occupancy) and I just want to feel settled in one job, one house, with one person, or friends if that doesn't happen!
Change can often be a healthy thing but I'd like something to remain stable for more than a year. I've moved house (lots!), lost and gained friends, lost faith, gained a degree, shopped at Morrisons instead of Asda and many other boring things.
I know that I'll have to be more responsible, more organised, more confident, but I feel hesitant at the thought of becoming more serious. I still want to have fun and I don't want the job to become my life. I suppose that I've wanted to do it for so long that the thought of a 'grown up job' just makes me take stock of how ungrown up I feel.
General things I like:
- Zipwires
- Shopping
- Dressing up and going out
- Doing silly voices
I don't know if this is a normal concern of PGCE students but I'm feeling less than swish about the whole thing in general. If I can't do it, what else do I do? Is anyone else shitting themselves or is it just me?
I'm shitting myself about life too. Not a PGCE, of course, but I'm nowhere near grown-up enough for what's to come either.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's something we all have to deal with at some stage. Success will be staying the same whilst fooling everyone, including yourself, into believing you're more grown up than you are.
Don't take yourself too seriously. You already have the qualities to be a hugely successful pgce student and an awesome teacher. In my opinion the best teachers are the ones that can combine the importance of the role with fun, an ability to laugh at themselves, banter and a generally personable approach. Remember, they are kids after all! We have every chance to 'be ourselves' and the teachers they respect most are the teachers that make them smile.
ReplyDeleteIt will change you, but I promise that it will change you for the better. We all have to grow up a little bit sometimes. You will never feel so proud of yourself and feeling like that is inevitably going to change you. Don't be scared, it's about embracing life and finding out what comes next.
X
Thanks for the comments. I've been in a school this week to cram in some more experience and feel better about things. I think I'm over thinking things really because if everyone else can do it surely I can too? x
ReplyDelete