Can anyone answer this question properly? My answer is no. Most people would reel off a list of labels. Me too. We have bodies with recognisable characteristics, but we can change them if we like.
I could get plastic surgery, get a spray tan, cut my hair short, dye it black, wear brown contact lenses and ask a stranger who I am. They would be describing someone else to my friends who know me as Liv, the girl with a blonde bob, milk-white skin, blue eyes and a small chest. My point is that we project who we want people to see, which I do. #paleandproud
That's just the surface. Superficially, we can 'fix' ourselves, the ethics of which can at times be questionable. The bit underneath is what we so often hide away. Our deepest fears, desires, wants and needs are encased in a tangible vessel of living, breathing, walking, talking components, assigned to you at birth. Your mind and soul can never be seen, only experienced or described. I believe that the self image we project only ever shows a third of us to the world for that very reason.
We choose what to reveal from the other 66.6% of us by using our physical body as a window to communicate ourselves. Sometimes, we let people in on the little secrets we harbour inside that shell which we prune, preen and perfect for the outside world, which can be scary.
Why are we scared? It can't REALLY hurt us, not really. We're all governed by the same emotional risks but we're afraid of what we can't understand. We live in an age where we want answers, predictions, reasons and justifications for what is happening in the now. We Google on our iPhones all the questions we don't dare to ask real people. We post on Instagram to get superficial approval, rather than have meaningful human interactions. We want admiration in this Instaculture and are losing the subtle art of patience for the answers to difficult questions. We throw away what no longer serves our purposes, our microwaves, cars, holey socks, old CDs and sadly, people too. We don't fix, we replace. We can't get the answer to the question: 'why', because people can't be explained by Google. We are left to wonder, and we have to fix ourselves when we feel broken, a completely counterintuitive notion within the boundaries of our societal norms. You can't replace a memory or a feeling, you have to learn to live with it.
But who am I? I'm Soob, Blondie, Miss Thornton, 5'6, size 10, blue eyes, daughter, acquaintance, best friend, sister. I was five years old once. My mental health is stable. I have a degree, I can sing, and I can work a room or absorb it from the sidelines. I love to talk, philosophise, learn and make judgements. I'm fickle, insecure yet certain, religious, contradictory, and I pay my taxes. I vote, I'm bad at maths, and I have no idea what I want from life except to be happy at the end of it. I'm aware of my naivety and very unassuming, and I think, a lot. Those are the labels I could use to describe 'Liv'. It's not enough, but it's a start.
If I live to be 100, I'm only 24% complete in my life experience. So no, I can't answer the question of who I am. I think the best answer is probably 'I'll start you off with some labels and you can come and see for yourself'.
Interestingly enough, it's a question we ask each other every day, and possibly the one we're most scared of answering.
