So whilst my blogs are few and far between these days they
are definitely something I’ve had every intention of returning to.
A lot has happened since I last wrote as I believe my last
bit of inspiration came around the time of my Grandma’s funeral, but I've been so busy ever since.
To update you, I’ve almost finished my first placement, have
passed Stage 2 of my PGCE and have joined a dating site which has been the
source of a few interesting evenings!
I really didn’t know what to write about tonight, it was a
toss up between several things but I picked the PGCE 'I can't do this' moment.
I think everyone gets
to a point on the course where they have had absolutely and utterly enough. You
have moments every day when you think ‘why am I doing this?!’ but this is next
level. You actually write the email to say you’re going to quit and are on the
brink of sending it. For me I’d worked 18 hours the day before, had 4 hours
sleep and had an unbelievable amount of work to do in just one day in order to
meet an important deadline, and I just didn't have time to do everything. I’d been having one meal a day for several weeks and just had no energy to
go in and tell children to turn round and face the front, stop swinging on their
chairs and shut up.
These are some of the reasons why I reached ‘Black Tuesday’ as I
like to call it:
- · My lessons are never good enough. There is ALWAYS room for improvement.
- · I’m a perfectionist. I can never plan or evaluate in enough detail to satisfy me.
- · I miss my old life. I’m not a student anymore. Someone has abducted my social life - taken it from me, and at some points I wanted to ring that person up and give them Liam Neeson’s ‘I will find you…’ line from ‘Taken’, with even more conviction than he showed.
- · Some of the kids have literally no respect whatsoever and will treat you like you’re subhuman.
- · You get put in a school, you can’t choose where you go on placement. That’s not to say I hate my school, I don’t at all, but it might not be the right place in the long term even if you get fantastic experience there. I did find it hard at points.
- · People who just don’t understand telling you that you don’t even know what stress is yet because ‘you’re not even a real teacher with a full timetable yet’. That is not a helpful statement in the least. Have you done this?! Oh you haven't? Then be silent!
However, there are obviously reasons why I haven’t dropped
out yet. The golden moments that make it worth it – here are a few:
- · ‘Miss, I really enjoyed that lesson’.
- · When kids say thanks to me for teaching them.
- · Meeting their parents and realising they actually give a shit about their child’s education.
- · ‘I’ll be sad when you leave Miss’.
- · Whilst a lesson will never be perfect, there are elements of some of my lessons that have come close.
- · ‘You have created some fantastic resources’
- · When someone tells you they can tell that you genuinely care about what you do.
- · ‘Why was John afraid to baptise Jesus?’ ‘He thought Jesus would beat him up?’
- · When a teacher comes up and asks if you’re ok and says that if you need anything to just ask.
- · Random texts off my Dad to say he’s proud of me and Mum calling to check if I’ve had a good day.
- · Getting told I look like Beyonce, Taylor Swift and Alice in Wonderland all in one week by the same child. The first one?!
- · When an experienced teacher tells you that they think you will make a good teacher.
So to anyone thinking of doing a PGCE, prepare for your ‘I
can’t do this moment’ because it will probably come at some point. But when it
does, bear in mind you aren’t the first or the last to feel like you can’t even
look at the school logo without wanting to vom! If I can do it, then anyone
can!
To all my fellow PGCEers, we made it this far! I’m so proud
of us.
