Rants from a Waitress

So, I’m a waitress and have been for about 5 years. Over this time I’ve noticed certain things about my job and how waitressing is seen in this country and by customers I’ve come into contact with.

The first thing is that waitressing isn’t generally seen as a career, it seems to be a stop gap for many people – something to get some money through college or uni, or before something better comes along. Customers always seem to ask if I’m ‘just a Saturday girl’, or where and what I do at uni etc. For many of us, a stop gap is exactly what it is, myself included. That doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit though. I do care that I do it right.

I mean, so many people have an attitude that just because you aren’t fulfilling your ultimate career goals in the here and now, that it doesn’t matter. There’s nothing wrong with living for the weekend, or wanting to do something else with your life, but what I really hate is the assumption that many people have about waiters and waitresses:

• You are stupid
• You don't care

The first one, this infuriates me so much! When the 49 Diner tables are full, there may be as many as 200 people seated at any one time. Given that there are usually only 5 people in charge of the 4 sections, theoretically, each of these 5 people is responsible for about 40 people. Of course, managers and other staff from the bar or runners can chip in but the point I’m trying to make is that there is a lot to juggle and a great deal to remember (when 12 people on a table all order different things, change their minds and juggle things around and then get mad when you can’t remember what Victor was having when setting their cutlery). If you didn’t serve Victor’s table and come over with the food, lets say it’s a pizza, and you say ‘Pizza?’ and Victor says, ‘oh yeah that’s for Marjorie’ then goes back talking to Kenneth, how the fuck do I know who Marjorie is??? I was not briefed with their passport photos before they all came in, nor am I psychic, I mean they thought I was stupid a moment ago! And anyone can do a job but when you’re carrying 5 plates with hypermobility in your fingers (v painful!!), with a cheque to put on, someone has a disproportionate amount of froth to milk on their cappuccino, another person would like some mayonnaise, and then someone from a section you aren’t responsible for comes up and says how rude you are for not taking their order when you have your own section with 3 orders still to take it can be difficult to smile and apologise for ‘your’ mistake all whilst wearing a tshirt that looks a dog with a sagging breast problem.

I’m not saying that the customer is always wrong to pester a waitress, I mean they certainly deserve a certain level of customer service and I’m happy to do my job and do it well, but sometimes there can be customers that are just plain rude.

A situation like that requires emotional intelligence to be able to turn disgruntled people into happy people, and make them like you, so that they might speak to you a bit more nicely the next time you pop over to ask them if everything is ok. Unless you treat them like this.....

or this is the person that made their salad, then chances are that they'll be happy anyway!

You also need to be able to prioritise things and foresee potential problems that could arise and even if you can see shortcuts through things, you have to do things the way your manager wants to stop a bollocking from taking place.

Basically, to be an effective waiter/waitress you have to become the customer’s bitch. If they’re ridiculously rude I actually find it more effective to profusely apologise with a massive smile on my face and deal with the problem ASAP rather than be rude back even a tiny little bit. That way, they’re more likely to feel bad and also like you for being so nice and lay off a bit which is exactly what you need on a busy day. Basically by acting like a pushover you get what you want, so technically you win every time!

I don’t really want to have to be someone’s bitch over a lasagne or bottle of ketchup, clean spat out banana out of the crevices of a highchair, or move hundreds of bottles in and out of fridges all day, be click-summoned by extremely rude rich men (like I’m some sort of slave woman!), or smile at a child’s mother as I clean their cherub's vomit off the floor, but I do work hard in my job and it annoys me that many people assume waitresses are lazy and stupid and are destined to be lazy and stupid forever given that they ‘are just waitresses’.

I think everyone should be a waitress/waiter before they move on to their desired career. It really teaches you a lot about respect and courtesy for other people, and I’m always nice to them when I go to other places. And always leave a tip!