Singledom = :) ???

Ok, so I’ve been newly single for about a month. I lost my boyfriend and best friend. Tragically awful right? Oh the drama. The first week or so was v hard, and I still miss his company sometimes, but far from withering away into a shell of despair, I’ve actually realised loads about myself and its been rather good for me! Of course, me and the ex had a great time together back when things were good, but sometimes these things just don’t work out, so we more or less mutually went our separate ways after a long drawn out break up.

Having done most of the ‘grieving’ or whatever over the month before we broke up, when it actually happened I felt initially relieved. It feels strange not to be more upset now, I mean yes I've cried and felt crappy but now I feel kind of good that I have this freedom right at my fingertips and that I can do anything I want, but stalled because I sort of can’t what with having a degree to complete in the next few months. I have hardly any time, but have come to appreciate my friends so much more. I’ve learnt not to let things get me down, and reaffirmed that I’m an independent woman (cue Beyonce and the cheese factor or whatever) and that I can be single and ok about it. I don’t actually NEED anyone. I’m not too fussed about finding someone else, but have had experiences with new people, and I’ve learnt...things.. about myself through them lets put it that way! I’m not desperate for a rebound shag or relationship though, its not my priority.

I do fancy people, but I’m not really interested in taking things further just because I’m enjoying my singledom. I’ve been out loads with the housemates and got very drunk, and just had a good time! I've had the best night of my life just this last week, it was HILARIOUS! I of course have reflected on the whole thing which I can’t deny has been challenging, but after seeing him again in person which was tremendously awkward at first, I sort of feel that its helped me to move on, and confirmed to me that I’m not gonna chase around after a dead horse ‘just in case’. Its become apparent he's got other priorities in life and I don't want to be a fall back I'd like to be chased dammit! Not by him of course, just generally I suppose. I’m always the chaser, and its not been too successful. I've heard through the grapevine that when he's going out a lot and while I do of course care and hope he's generally ok its not an attractive thing to me at the moment, but it sounds like he's enjoying himself.

I’m planning to make the most of being single. Relationships come with good and bad sides, and there’s too much water under the bridge to pathetically run around after my ex. I wouldn't anyway, I miss him in my life, but not in that ‘my life is over’ kind of way. I played a part in the end of us, we both did really, I can't say its all his fault because it isn't. One step closer to finding Prince Charming I guess! There was a time when I really thought he might be THE guy, but we're so young its just an unrealistic thing to come to fruition for most couples my age.Things like that should always be an IF and never a WHEN.

Basically, I know I'll love and be loved again by someone new. I've always known that. I am moving on, but if he needed me in a difficult time, I'd be there. Not as a booty call, never, I don't roll that way, but because I said once that if he needed me then I would support him through anything, and I meant it. I miss his amazing family too, relationships are about way more than just two people and I loved them to bits I felt so welcomed.

But for now, when I'm good and ready and the next guy does come along, he can wine and dine me and the whole sherbang! But just now I'm pretty good flying solo, without any guy at all. :) I just love rediscovering my freedom, and being allowed a cheeky snog from a different guy every Saturday on an escape from my dissertation! Why not eh?