Faking happiness

I’m starting to struggle for topics, but a random blog generator churned this topic out after about 26 clicks which I found interesting, so here goes!

Faking happiness. Is that a bad thing?

Not if you're these guys!

Seriously though, no I don’t really think it is always a bad thing. If you feel really low, and you have nothing to be happy about, faking happiness, whilst being insincere in the short term isn’t really a bad thing. If its all you have in the world that makes you feel human, then of course it isn’t a bad thing. Some people say that on the road out of clinical depression faking happiness is the first step. Faking it is better than being depressed.

Faking happiness shouldn’t be a failsafe mask for stuff going on underneath. 

I challenge you to find one person who is truly and utterly happy. Its ok if you aren't! We all have doubts, insecurities and fears that creep in occasionally to question our happiness. My opinion is that the way you address these things influences what makes us happy. Ignoring your feelings will never resolve them, it just makes them all the more deep seated.

Apologies for the crude example, but it’s just like faking an orgasm really – they think they’ve done a great job and it gets ‘it’ over with if that’s what you want, but later on you’ll have to have the awkward conversation where next time you have to tell them what to do. You still have to deal with it.

It’s the same with deadlines. Not looking at your calendar won’t make it go away.

Sometimes, by letting something out of your system by addressing it can help you to stop faking your happiness and moving on to actual happiness. You have to question why you want to hide this stuff away, why you want to fake happiness. Is it for you or is it because you don’t want others to think of you as vulnerable? For a lot of people the second answer is true.

Whatever the reasons are for faking happiness in the first place, it is rarely fulfilling and I only ever see it as a short term fix before you feel strong enough to deal with why you started pretending to feel ok.

On a lighter note, I fed some ducks and ate some ice cream today, and I have an actual tan for the first time ever!!! Does anyone know why all drawings and pictures of ducks are yellow? Have you ever seen a real life yellow duck? What is that about?

Misc Messages to Misc People

1. I’ve never really understood you properly, but I know you’d do anything for anyone. I think there’s a lot I will never know about you, but you’re one of the most genuine and loyal people I’ve ever had the fortune of spending time with. If flat caps were cool I’d borrow one off you.
2. I love you so much and can’t imagine things when you go. You make me laugh without meaning to, and if I could ever aspire to grow older in someone’s footsteps, I’d pick you, even if you do moon over your wedding photos….
3. As I’ve got older I think you’ve really got to appreciate me as my own person and you never put me off my ambitions even though you didn’t always understand them. You remind me more of myself all the time, and you seem to know exactly what to say to make it better every time. But next time, please don’t tell me about your sexual experiences, it makes me feel like Jim from American Pie.
4. I’d never wish sadness upon you. I know we’ll never agree, but maybe one day we’ll agree to disagree.
5. Thanks for all the times you have listened to me and rationalised my thoughts. No matter how old I get, I’ll always need you. Thanks for pushing me out of my comfort zone, it was the best thing you ever did.
6. You’ll always be my ‘best friend’ no matter how little we see of each other. You’re the most hilarious and ridiculous person I’ve ever met. I wish I could go on holiday to Neverland with you. GRAB IT!
7. I hope you come to realise that you affect people so much with what you do and say. I love you, but I can’t say you’ve made me proud. I wish you’d let us help you. You’ve taught me how I don’t want to be, and that can be more helpful than anything sometimes.
8. Although we barely knew each other, I know you were loved very much. I hope I’ve made you proud, and I think about you every day of my life. Skipping ropes, alphabetti letters and ketchup in glass bottles remind me of you.
9. GROUP – Thanks for letting me reveal my ridiculous personality and revealing yours to me. Thanks for just being there and putting up with my stupidity.
10. No one knows me better. You’re like another version of me, but different in so many ways. I miss you so much, even though your time management is shocking! 4am Skype call yes??

Thanks m'lovelies

Basically I’m writing this to say thanks to all the people who were so amazing in supporting me last week when things with my dissertation went pear shaped. I’m so totally grateful to everyone who was there, whether they provided chocolate and energy drinks, tissues, sound advice, an extension form, or any other possible form of emotional support! Thanks, it didn’t go unnoticed and I really appreciate it, its helped motivate me to get the bloody thing finished! I can’t really say why I ended up in the position I did but there were several contributing factors that are too soul baring for a little blog like mine.

I’m nearly there now, couple of days left, and I can’t wait till its all done J

Anyway,  apart from that hideous day I’ve had a rather nice and rather eye opening week.

I received a long overdue apology which was much appreciated, although I had long since forgiven the person who apologised. It made me glad I had already done so, because if I’d hung around expecting that apology then a considerable amount of my time at uni would have been tarnished.

We went out dressed as Alice in Wonderland characters!

I did a wedding photoshoot which was very exciting! Despite the wind, I really enjoyed the day, and got to see Emily’s neck of the woods J It was really really weird to see myself in a wedding dress but the pictures seemed to come out not too hideous! 

I went to the last Pubology of my time at uni, which was really weird. Sitting in the pub, I was thinking that this was one of the last times we’d all be together like that as a group.  I really hope we stay in touch.

Other things made me smile too, but I won’t ramble about them just yet. Not until all this work is done and I can start enjoying my freedom. We’ll see what summer has in store ;)

Grown Up Wisdom to Myself at 18!

And so here we are again.

Middle of the night, a deadline is looming and I’m writing another blog post again because I mull things over at night rather a lot and think about dying my hair, or how much money I can survive on this month, or other times deeper things.

Whilst my house has been something of a heartbreak hotel this last semester, the dynamics have changed immensely in part due to that, but in other ways due to one of our housemates leaving, and another becoming pregnant – congratulations on the bean Deb and Dec now I can actually talk about it since everyone knows! (The‘when things change’ post was about the bean J) Anyway, for so long I’ve been scared of growing up, and being truly responsible, but I’m beginning to think that might actually be not so scary after hearing about everybody else making plans too. I’m not far away from passing my driving test, graduating, becoming a teacher and earning a salary in a real job. And I’m quite excited about that now! Its taken so long to dawn on me that just because I’ll be a teacher doesn’t mean that’s the end of my fun, at least after the PGCE. Growing up doesn't mean I can't still be young at heart :)

 I love my housemates so so SO much and despite knowing them for 3 whole years I feel that we’ve learnt more about each other in the last 3 months than ever before. We’ve had an amazing rollercoaster of craziness happen to us, with the best nights of my life, a hurricane of feline behaviour, immense pressure from deadlines and in other ways too, and I really know I can’t ever lose touch with them because whilst my friends from home are amazing, my uni friends will definitely be lifelong friends too. I’ve also started talking more to some of my close friends from first year and realised just how much we’ve all changed, and for the good. 

We have grown up so much and there are so many things I wish I could have told our Fresher selves:

·         Seize every opportunity you’re given – sing at Karaoke, or run for President.

·         Lighten up! You’re too serious!

·         You will end up more straight than lesbian – who’d have thought it!! Or vice versa in other cases!

·         The canteen is, and will always be, shit. The portion sizes, the opening times. Yeah, that won’t improve. Most of the time, all you can buy is Mars Bars and Relentless at double the RRP of anywhere else.

·         Get a nose piercing, you’ll want one by third year and then it’ll be too late because you’ll have to take it out to apply for jobs!

·         Trinity is like Emmerdale – a tiny island of inbreds where everyone knows your business, and most of it is passed around incorrectly! Pinch of salt, every time!

·         You’ll cry over a bacon sandwich, and sing about chicken.

·         Finding a free computer in the 24 hour IT lab is a bit like knowing you’ve got lucky but having a suspicion it might have Chlamydia.

·         There will come a day when Arrow will let you down. Hereafter, Amber will begin an affair with your ‘Recently Dialled’ list. You may have brief affairs with other firms however.

·         You can’t make everyone like you, and you certainly shouldn’t have to. Some like ‘those’ from school actually make it to uni, so just expect to encounter some complete twats!

       Misfits work amazingly in a friend group – try their favourite night out, you might actually enjoy it, despite snogging someone later likened to Jafar from Aladdin. BIT farfetched guys, but whatever!

Dawning Realisation

The moment you realise that the yogurt you just bought goes out of date a whole week after your dissertation is due is the moment it dawns on you that you’ve fucked up a bit :/

Spent a whole day in the library yesterday which was so what I needed! Got almost a whole section done which I’ve finished this afternoon and I’m carrying on well into this eve.

Basically, I think I’ve done uni backwards! I’ve been on more nights out this semester than I did in the whole of second year. I think I discovered my youth just as I have to get serious about an actual long-term career goal, and while its settling in that that will actually happen, it’s a bit of a shame that I didn’t do all this back in the day! Of course, there were other things going on which was amazing and I don’t regret them one bit but I waited till uni before going out at all which was such a waste!

VERSUS

Serious me is winning this week I'm getting loads done, its just evermore tempting to go out when you know you can't!!

Emily (my mutual wing man - though perhaps not for much longer...) and I were trying to put together a list of all the places we’ve been in Leeds over the last three years, and for three whole years it’s a little poor to be honest!! Here’s my list that makes me sound like an indie whore (which I'm sometimes not!):

• O2 Academy – standard for all Trinity people. Prefer Propaganda to Vodka Nationwide.
• Wire – Pure undiluted LUST for this place J [read: fit indie boys] but seriously I love it!
• Revolution – all of them are ok…
• Cockpit - went on an indie night - but was massively overrated and nearly empty!
• Fire – go for cheap shots, and then LEAVE
• Queen’s Court - good craic!
• OK Karaoke - yeyah! lotsa of fun, both in booths and in main room, need to be a bit pissed though!
• Fibre
• Walkabout
• Tiger Tiger - not again.
• Carpe Diem – quite like this place, espesh on Open mic night
• Fab Café – yes yes YEHEHES! Geek central and they do an indie night on Saturdays – result!
• Mission
• Oceana – DIRE
• Evo – possible worse than dire. Bit rapey!
• Halo

Then of course pubs:

• The Arc
• Headingley Taps
• Old Ball
• Trios
• The Box
• Woodies
• Skyrack
• Original Oak
• The Hyde Park
• The Library
• Dry Docks

Well I’ll soon be saying farewell to my student life – guess you don’t miss the water till the well runs dry! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to academically bitchslap my dissertation in the face.